Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Twilight lovers read at your own discretion

So I never really understood the whole Twilight phenomenon, and my husband just summed it up perfectly in a post on facebook. Since most of you aren't friends with him on facebook,I just had to share it here, it's too funny! It's a little long but I promise it's worth your time. :)

Written by Sita
So I gave it a chance--twice.
I actually tried reading the first book once. I'm pretty open minded and I enjoy a good book, so I thought, "why not?" I 'm comfortable enough with myself as a person--specifically as a man--that if I like something, I will stand behind it (ie. Muppet Babies is one of my favorite shows of all time).
The book started out fine. An average young-adult-demographic based book full of background informing, personality describing, and stage setting. Typical. Meyer definitely knows what she's doing. The story starts to pick up and Ol'Eddie boy is starting to be more than "The most beautiful creature" ever--he is faster than a speeding bullet and can stop out-of-control cars that are going to hit the main character of the story. Where the story goes down hill for me, is around page 200. The two of them start fighting over who loves who more. The conversation goes something like this:

What's her face: You don't really think you love me more than I love you
Vampire Super Model: Maybe
WHF: You know that's not true right?
White Vampire version of Tyson Beckford: It is true
Chick: No. I love you more
Dude: No. I love you more
chick: No you don't
Dude: yes I do

At that moment, I closed the book and prayed for forgiveness, never to read anything about them again. Life goes on.
Then they make a movie. Long story short, I end up renting it because my sister-in-law is in town and needs to be entertained (she's 8) and I did kind of want to see if the movie was better, I'll admit. Long movie short, another two hours wasted.
So after sampling the book and the movie I have to ask: why?
For example, this story is supposedly a love story between Ed and Bella. Fine. I got no problem with love stories. Even a little cheesiness is allowable. I'll give you a couple "I love you forever" s and some "You are the love of my life"s, but in moderation of course. So that's not necessarily my complaint (even though I know the story was based in Washington so that they could eventually kiss in the rain). My question is based around the sub-question, how does this story make sense to anyone? This love story between Bella and Ed is ridiculous.
Basically she is in love with him because (in a 16-year-old-valley-girl voice) "he's like the hottest guy ever." All she ever talks about is his face and his eyes and how they make her feel. That's why she wants to spend eternity with him. He's hot. She's basically a common-wealth Paris Hilton, but awkard, bright and down-to-earth. That makes a lot of sense.
Also she's supposed to be witty and intelligent. You know, the stereo type brunette who is generally a downer and makes a lot of sarcastic statements? You know, the one that's supposed to be down-to-earth and relatable? The one that 13-25 year-old girls are supposed to sit back and say that's me. Yeah, that same plain-Jane representative wants to spend eternity with a vampire--an undead, blood sucking, people eating, never sleeping, frozen cold vampire. It's not uncommon to hear people who won't kiss smokers because of the awful smell/taste. What do you think Ed's blood soaked breath smells like in the morning? Also what woman is going to want to snuggle Ed in bed? He's freezing cold. It's the woman's job to put her freezing feet on the man at 2 am and wake him up. Oh but wait, he'll still be awake. Who doesn't want a guy who constantly looks at them while you sleep? But, you're right, I forgot; he's hot. Bella's character is so confusing. She's supposed to be an outcast--not really offically in the in-crowd. And yet she is the most popular person in town. Everyone loves her. Make up your mind.
Let's not leave Eddie out of the discussion. Let's talk about why he loves Bella. Being the Vampire that has everything, why would he want Bella? Because she smells good. That's his answer. He is attracted to her because she drives him wild with her tasty smell. She's his favorite food. Now while I can sympathize with a man who likes good food, I don't see my self risking my life over Steak--possibly injury--but not my life. Neither would I ever marry a steak. But maybe that's because I'm not a "vegetarian" like Ed. Maybe if I gave up the meat, it would attract me so much that I would want to live and love it instead of eat it. How romantic Meyer. I guess the true way to a man's heart is his stomach.
Let's not leave out the fact that Ed is also possibly the ultimate creepy guy ever. He stalked Bella for months before he had ever spoke to her-- and he did this iin her actual room. Let's also not forget that, technically, he's a pedophile. A 100 year old man with a 17 year old, but I guess statutory rape doesn't count if you're "way hot." Twilight: giving old creepy men hope since 2005.
Anyway, it just seems strange to me that a book whose demographic is primarily young women would be about a century old sex offender who drinks blood falls "in love" with his favorite meal which happens to be the most confusing character ever written. So please, explain away ye faithful fans.

Monday, March 23, 2009

The Zoo!

My sister Maggie came to spend the weekend with us as part of her spring break. We decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and head to the zoo! Despite the wind, as you can tell from Ella's hair in all the pics, it was a perfect day at the zoo!

Getting ready for the train ride.


Maggie with her favorite Animal.

My little tigers!

Maggie though this was the coolest pic ever, cause I made it look like the monkey was in her hand. I am the best sister ever! Hahaha

But the worst mother ever! I had no idea Ella was so scared until I looked at the picture, but you have to admit it makes for a good picture.

The must have pic.

Ella and Maggie with Ella's favorite animal.


Before we even made it out of the parking lot she was passed out!